Eduardo

Machinheas. That name was a youtube account. I never got the meaning of that chosen name, but frankly I didn't care. I knew the owner of that account as Eddi. He was 23 when I first met him. His age was almost as significant as he was, for 23 has always been my favorite number for no reason. Eddi and I clicked automatically. We could stay up all night, talking for hours without running out of dialogue. He made me feel alive with the occasional laugh that he would grace me with. I knew him, and he knew me. Our bound was like no other. We felt as though we could not live without eachother. I told him one day, that I wanted to kill myself and was contemplating doing so. I was so lost, and in so much pain from my brothers suicide and fathers arrest. This was when I first met Eddi. His tone got serious, a rarity, and he told me that I must promise him never to take another sleeping pill. And also, that if I killed myself he would proceed in doing so because he could not live without me. Our love held nothing sexual. He looked at me just as just a human being. Not wanting anything from me in return. He just wanted a friend. I was his best friend. Eduardo changed my life. I did not commit suicide, and I overcame my anorexia and pill addiction with his help. He introduced me to a light which my dark life had not known. He undoubtedly changed me. For that I am ever thankful, and will never forget. I am who I am today, because of Eddi. We met online, through youtube back in the day when it was solely used for communication. For domestic reasons, I was not allowed onto the internet for 3 whole years. But for those 3 years, not a day went by that I did not think of him. Each night I wept in my bed. Wept. Crying out in pain. I contemplated suicide. I was ready to end my life. My promise to him stopped that thought. I prayed for him every single night; For him and his family. I prayed that he would forget me, and that he would not be in as much pain as I was in. For that I regret praying for. I feel as if he left me, forgot me, erased me. I'm not confident that i'll ever talk to him again. That my children will never speak his name, or see his face. Until I moved out at age 18, I was not allowed to contact him nor anyone via internet. The first thing I did when I moved out, was search for Eddi online.I looked through youtube, all his messages were erased. His account was non-existent. Nothing turned up. It's as if every footprint he made online vanished. He no longer existed.

[The Point Of No Return.x]

Ray Bradbury is a inspirational author of mine, I read his countless books and never am I disappointed in one. He intrigues the reader with twisted, futuristic stories that tell un-imaginable events. Somewhere in all those fiction stories, there is truth. Truth about our world, and what we will do to ourselves in the end.

In one of Bradbury's books, he tells many short stories of the people of earth and their destruction of their planet. They got so involved in War World III, they let greed get the best of them. They ended up bombing every single being to death's gate.

I find myself thinking that Bradbury has reminded me of something that seemed so familiar, our world.
We try to get ourselves out of debt, feed the hungry and care for the poor. All the while, we still have hate in our hearts and in our minds. We're still in war, taking the lives of innocent men and woman who were told to defend their country. Bombing countless towns, and taking what isn't ours. Building our pride, by the death's of others. Stirring hate, and pushing us away from our founding fathers. Sooner or later our hate will catch up with us, our world will collapse and burn to the ground.

As your shrieking from the pain of losing your legs, and having a bullet in your chest, you look around and see vultures diving into the piles of body's. Scooping an innocent child's head into it's large mouth, and you begin to realize that a few days ago that child was probably begging his mom for a snack at the grocery store, holding onto the hand of his father while humming to the radio.
As you suck in the last bit of poisoned air, you realize it didn't matter about the debt and the hungry. It mattered about our civility, responsibility, and love towards others. But it's to late to change the past and our actions, for the last bomb hit the ground, the last breathing person fell to the earth. Thousands of vultures fill the grey sky, they begin to hawk with excitement from seeing all the human corpse's.

In the end,
There's no one left,
Except the one's to pick up our mess,
To eat away at our body's
Vultures are their names,
They find joy in the dead,
They eat away at an innocent child's head,
Oh but they don't care, no compassion whatsoever,
You have no say in this, you are among the dead.
All because we let our heart's turn cold,
Our hate got too old,
Caved in, and gave us what we deserved.


[[ The truth is all I see, the outcome shocks me ]] ~ Let's start over while we have the chance, and build this nation as if we were our founding fathers. They knew what was best for us, so why stray just to run into death?

~[ M a y h e m. x]

[Truth About Hate. x]

In my many years of socializing, hate never seems to stray far from me. I've come across many theory's of how hate starts and they all summarize as; hate is formed by jealousy, foul play, disgust, and violence.

Whether or not you want to believe my words, hate isn't formed by those many things that were stated in those theory's.
Hate is formed when one does not UNDERSTAND another and their views, actions, and words.
It's easier for someone to hate something then to try and understand it.

America stands too high and is full of too much arrogance, that we don't bother taking the time to understand other countries. We hate how we can't understand those countries, we label them as enemies and they become our prey.

You may say you hate a certain person because their behavior, actions, and views. But honestly, you don't UNDERSTAND their behavior, actions, and views. This makes you furious, because like anyone else you like being in control, you want to understand everything. For you to gain that control back, you hate that person.

To hate; is to control. People strive for so many things in this world; and the greatest is control.

We need Brand New Eyes, a new perspective. Learn to understand, instead of hate.
Re-wiring our brains is mandatory for a long lasting, civil country.

~[Mayhemm.x]

[ Mesmerizing The Simple Minded. x ]

Most people judge E V E R Y T H I N G from the outside appearance. Food, books, and people. If something doesn't look good, or normal, they don't even bother eating it, reading it, or talking to that person. Eight out of ten people think like this.

This is completely and disgustingly ignorant. Society has taught us to think, and act like this. Your being brainwashed, and your not even aware of it.
When a person passes by you, and catches your eye. You don't admiringly adore their clothes, or hair style. NO. You judgingly shove that person into a category. You labeling that individual is not only making you dumb as fuck, that mentality is blocking a new relationship.

Don't tell me I'm wrong, because I know I'm absolutely right. Society is controlling you and your actions, and you sit their like a puppet, letting them pull your strings. It's hard to re-wire your brain, but it is possible. Stand up for individuality, stand up for our rights. Overpower the string holders, overcome society's thinking.

This world is in need of change. Let's start a riot.

~[ M a y h e m . X ]

[ O u r W o r l d A s W e K n o w I t ]

Our world is fucked up. You can sit there and tell me otherwise, but my love you are quite wrong. Our world was built on our founding fathers; and is now being lead to deaths gate by many corrupted leaders. What our leaders truely strive for is dividing our country, controling it. They start by destroying Tea party's, bringing racisim back into the world, and shutting up the people.

Our world has reached it's end. Where kids get raped and killed, government takes our freedom away, most hard workers being layed off, [&&] we all stand by and watch hoping our president will lead as out of all our troubles; our debts; our depression.

People need to pull themselves together; provide for themselves; think for themselves.

Stop relying on one flawed man to perfect this world.


~[ M a y h e m ] x